Forever Friendship is a continuation of the Real Friends series. Hale's earlier memoirs, with brilliant artwork by LeUyen Pham, captured the social dynamics of girl friendship and bullying in elementary school. This one addresses Shannon's internal turmoil in middle school. Like the first two, it ends up being a template for how to survive and thrive through a tumultuous time in your life. Older girls and women might learn a thing or two from it.
It highlights the numerous ways girls get socialized into the 'beauty myth.' It explores the roles of magazines, television, movies, church, religion and schooling. It's full of the complex ways we hurt one another.
Starting grade eight Shannon feels pretty good about her friends. Despite this she still worries and is plagued with feelings of not being good enough. She has numerous goals for this new year.
She begins grade eight thinking that fulfillment is based on beauty, success, and fame. Add being a good person and being liked by boys into the mix. It's kind of like a recipe for disaster.
Following the introduction, six chapters focus on an area connected to this. Most end with an important message to young girls.
Beautiful
As if it's not enough that Shannon has to deal with her body changing, she attempts to mold herself into society's model of what beauty is. She wears contact lens, gets braces, and perms her hair. Before others can make fun of her, she makes fun of herself. Any critique by others emphasizes that she's not good enough.
In the end she halfheartedly decides she doesn't care if she isn't beautiful and will instead, pursue her other dreams.
Fame
Shannon thinks that fame will cover her in emotional armor. She wants to feel special, yet at the same time thinks that if only she can learn to play the correct part - to become the right kind of person, fame is possible.
Unfortunately, doing this involves burying her own dreams. This leads to all kinds of complicated feelings. She appreciates her friends' successes and at the same time, is jealous of them. She's terrified that if she makes any mistakes she will lose all her friends forever. Thankfully she decides to dig up her dreams again and follow them. She doesn't get a part in the school drama production. Instead she becomes student director. Ultimately she learns that being a part of something is enough. Being famous isn't necessary.
Boys
This chapter addresses emerging sexuality and negotiating through the messiness of it.
Shannon starts to think, "You're not allowed to feel sad. If you feel sad you're wrong." In the end though, she learns that it's enough for a boy just to think you are cool.
Success
"No matter how hard I worked, it never felt like enough"
Shannon comes to see her value is in how others perceive her. She wonders if her parents only love her because of her grades. She decides to run for class president and loses. The role of fathers in how girls see themselves is articulated clearly in this section. In spite of his comments about the role of women, Shannon dreams of having both a family and a satisfying career. She learns that she wants to 'be successful - but in the ways that make me feel good - not in the ways everyone expected."
Perfect
This section highlights the role of religion and church. To be perfect is to be good enough, to be kind enough. Her attempts to follow through end up in mishap after mishap. Rather than bringing comfort, church ends up exaggerating her so called flaws and exacerbating her feelings of being a bad person. Everything falls apart for her after an altercation with her friends.
Nothing
Shannon ends up deep in depression. If she is loved based on her accomplishments, what happens when she fails? She gives up on her friends, school, and violin. Eventually her parents send her to see a psychiatrist. He's a dud.
Enough
Shannon becomes her own therapist and begins to love herself.
"It felt like an act of rebellion. To choose to love myself even if I wasn't sure anybody else did. Even if I wasn't sure I was worthy enough. Even if I wasn't sure that I actually did. To try to love myself. That felt like a lot."
I wish this book, and the others in the series had been around when I was in my preteen and teen years. I'm sure glad they are here today to help young girls navigate the potential minefield of adolescence. As it is, they have helped me resolve issues connected to those times in my life. I'm sure that women of all ages will be able to connect to Shannon's experiences.
I recommend you purchase numerous copies of this for your school libraries. Encourage boys, parents, and teachers in your school to read it too.
Wow—I had heard of this series, but I didn’t realize the books were as impactful as they seem to be here! This seems like a really true-to-life depiction of middle school agony. Thanks so much for the great review!
ReplyDeleteI was blown away by this series right from the first one. Each one model how to be comfortable in you own skin.
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