SOL The Retirement Speech I Never Expected To Give

I planned on not posting this week since I am seriously suffering from June teacher brain syndrome. However, I went to my union's retirement dinner this evening. I had fabulous food in a spectacular setting with interesting people. During the meal I was still working on what to say after dinner as I thought I had to give a speech. It turned out that I didn't need to give a speech. In fact, hardly anyone gave a speech, but since mine was already written...

I have changed the names below to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.

Here is my speech. 

Janey Petronoshkivitz (I can never say her name correctly) came to see me after school today to let me know that that when another teacher, Carrie Brownstone, retired, she gave Janey hell that she wasn't warned to have a speech prepared.

So of course I panicked, raced home and started scribbling.

I've come up with a list of things I'm looking forward to when I retire.

I'm looking forward to figuring out what I might be when I grow up. Although given that I've reached the ripe old age of 63, maybe I won't bother with it.

I'm looking forward to August first and realizing that my summer is not half over. In fact I'm thinking I'll wake up on that morning and shout out to the universe, "Fuck you August First!"

I'm looking forward to it not mattering what time I go to bed and it not mattering what time I get up.

I'm looking forward to not shopping for clothes that feel like pajamas because I get to wear real ones all day long if that's what I want to do.

I'm looking forward to reading as much as I like, and especially, finding out what's good in adult fiction. Recommendations are welcome

I'm looking forward to finding out what the house looks like when it's clean. Although if I get enough book recommendations, I may never find out.

I'm really looking forward to not having to wonder when that one teacher will send a student down to get that book that they need right now, never mind that I've got 50 kids in the library that I'm working with at that very moment.

I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time far from the madding crowd in high mountain country, camping. Honestly, if I never hear, Cheriee, Cheriee, Cheriee, ever again, I will consider myself blessed.

I look forward to celebrating our success in the court case come November.

I'm looking forward to getting lots of rest so that come next year, I can, hopefully, work with many of you to send the BC Liberals packing next May!

Thank you to Two Writing Teachers for hosting SOL, and for all the particpants who support each other's scribbling. 


  1. When I retired I treated myself to dinner and a chocolate martini on the first day of the new school year. I took a picture and sent it to my former colleagues. It felt so good. Enjoy your new found freedom.

    1. Thanks Robert, I'm planning on getting together with a few other retired folks and going for brunch with mimosas.