#IMWAYR April 11, 2016

'She hadn't seen the old lady in a week, and in a week, an old lady could fall through the cracks of life." Terry Pratchett (The Shepherd's Crown)

Especially since January, writing has been what keeps me sane. Whether or not is it about books, like in this blog, or whether it is more personal narrative and/or poetry, I'm so thankful that words strung together, either to consume or create, are in my life. 

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I'm happy to be back at #IMWAYR again. Thanks to Jen at Mentor Text and Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers for hosting this event where readers of kidlit get together to share what we have been reading in the previous week.

Within the span of one week, the prognosis for my mother's remaining time went from three months; then to weeks; and finally, to days. On April 9 at 12:30 in the morning, she died, surrounded by family who loved her. It was a gentle, ever so gently, slipping into that good night: a perfect end to a gloriously messy and exuberant life.

Thankfully, synchronicity played its hand by providing the just right reading material to help get me through it.

In the first week I was unable to read anything except a nonfiction title that I could do in small chunks, articles on what happens in the process of near death awareness, and poetry, glorious poetry. 

I read poetry out loud to my mother because she responded to it. Her favourite poem of all time was William Wordsworth's I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud. Mumsy knew it by heart and used to recite it to us when we were young. As I read it to her, she pulled it out of her memory to recite it along with me. Then we read Robert W. Service: The Cremation of Sam McGee and The Shooting of Dan McGrew.  These are family classics that my mother's family used to share at gatherings. Mom enjoyed Ted Harrison's illustrations of them. I read E.E. Cummings, In Just and [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]. It was in reading this last poem that I figured out how I would survive without her.

I've had this book, It's Catching: The infectious world of germs and microbes by Jennifer Gardy & Josh Holinaty, at hand, meaning to read it since the beginning of spring break. It is one of our nonfiction book club titles. I started it because I couldn't imagine having to commit to any kind of fictional world. It turned out to be an entertaining, interesting read that fills readers heads full of information about the many different kinds of microbes and germs around us. It is loaded with many different kinds of text features. The illustrations work together with the text to make many complicated concepts easily understood. It begins by clarifying the differences between viruses, bacteria and fungi. Then it goes into more detail about different kinds of illnesses they can cause. I love the danger meter that reveals how nasty each of them can be. 

And then, what have you lost? an anthology of poetry collected by Naomi Shihab Nye arrived from the library. I've been savoring it a bit at a time. This volume kept me company during the times it was my turn to keep watch over my mother in her hospital room. I've been carrying it around me ever since I picked it up. I will purchase my own copy since I expect to be going back to it for a while.


When my mother was first transferred to Palliative Care, my niece, (an avid reader who works in that ward) handed me a copy of Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan & Patricia Kelley. I couldn't handle the idea of reading an entire book right then, but I took it anyway and checked out Maggie Callanan's website. Reading the articles under the news tab, was like reading the coles notes of the book. The palliative ward also has a prepared brochure that reflected the information from the book. It all helped me be prepared for what was coming. 
One day, while I kept my vigil, the only thing in my bag was this book, and so I started it. It is a fabulous gift. There is some biological information about what happens as people die, but it was the stories of the individual deaths that held my focus. Some of what this book taught me is that we are alive and capable of learning until we die. With this in mind, I read many of these narratives out loud to my mother. After all, I thought, it's her first time dying, and I'm sure that seeing how others have managed it will help her. When she had enough she told me, "I need to sleep now." 

Next, the audiobook CD, The Shepherd's Crown, Terry Pratchett's final novel, and the last Tiffany Aching tale, was ready for pickup from the library. As soon as I loaded it into itunes and onto my phone, I started listening to it. For me, this was the perfect novel at this time in my life. Right from the get go, when Death comes for Granny Weatherwax, I knew I would find comfort in this book.

"Thank you," said Granny, "I did my best."

MORE THAN YOUR BEST, said Death. AND I LOOK FORWARD TO WATCHING YOUR CHOSEN SUCCESSOR. WE HAVE MET BEFORE.

‘She’s a good witch, to be sure,’ said the shade of Granny Weatherwax. ‘I have no doubts whatsoever.’

YOU ARE TAKING THIS VERY WELL, ESME WEATHERWAX.
It's an inconvenience true enough, and I don't like it at all, but I know that you do it for everyone Mr Death. Is there any other way?

NO, THERE ISN’T, I’M AFRAID. WE ARE ALL FLOATING IN THE WINDS OF TIME. BUT YOUR CANDLE, MISTRESS WEATHERWAX, WILL FLICKER FOR SOME TIME BEFORE IT GOES OUT – A LITTLE REWARD FOR A LIFE WELL LIVED. FOR I CAN SEE THE BALANCE AND YOU HAVE LEFT THE WORLD MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND IF YOU ASK ME, said Death, NOBODY COULD DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT .

While there are parts in this novel that would have been more fully developed had Sir Terry lived a bit longer, The Shepherd's Crown is still a very satisfying read. Pratchett's world is loaded full of humour, satire and humanity. His witches are community health nurses who have the capacity to use magic, but use it sparingly because it's dangerous and difficult to control.
This is a book that deals with death, grief, making amends and continuing on. It begins with the death of the ancient Granny Weatherwax. Then the young witch, Tiffany Aching, is called upon to take over her stead.
I listened to it as I traveled back and forth to the hospital where my mother lay dying. Regularly, I was forced to pull over to the side of the road to write quotes down.

Eventually, I found myself able to continue with my regular reading and completed a few more books. I finished these next two while doing an overnight vigil with Mom. 

When I was the Greatest by Jason Reynolds. 
The truth is that I love Jason Reynold's young men. They are an authentic combination of sweetness and bravado. His families, however damaged, abound with love and caring. This is a story about survival, acceptance, and growth and change. Then there is the beauty in his writing. I admit that I wondered about the cover, but as soon as I got into the book it all made sense. 
Reynolds' stories are the kind that usually, once I start them, can't put down. So I'm not sure if I stalled with this book because I came to the part where the boys are about to go to the party and I anticipated that disaster would strike, or if it was just that my real life got in the way getting to know and care about fictional characters, but for whatever reason, it wasn't until I was well into listening to The Shepherd's Crown, that I was able to return to this novel. Am I ever thankful I could. 

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds & Brendan Kiely
The first chapter gave me trouble because I couldn't handle the violence. Having recently finished Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coats, I really wasn't surprised by what happened, but it was still hard to read.
I liked that Rasheed's story, while unique, was also representative of all these other young black people lost because of a racist system. I appreciated that Quinn was able to listen to other young black men and his own conscience. 

This would be an interesting book to pair with Bifocal by Deborah Ellis & Eric Walters. Here is an excerpt from it's goodreads summary.
"A student arrested on suspicions of terrorism. A high school torn apart by racism. Two boys from two different sets of circumstances forced to choose sides. 
These are the issues at the heart of "Bifocal," a groundbreaking new novel for young-adults. 
The story is told from two different points of view. Haroon is a serious student devoted to his family. His grandparents emigrated from Afghanistan. Jay is a football star devoted to his team. He is white. "

 

CURRENTLY

I'm a third of the way into The Wolf Wilder by Katherine Rundell.
 

UP NEXT

My Life on the Road by Gloria Steinem and Mr Lemoncello's Library Olympics are both on my ipod ready to listen to, but I haven't decided which one to start with. I've just picked up some books on coding for kids and Solving the Puzzle Under the Sea by Robert Burleigh, so hopefully I'll get to those this week. 


32 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. It's difficult, but I hope it is some relief to you that she is not suffering. My mother is almost 82 and suffering from Parkinson's and gathering dementia-- it's not pretty. Death is not always the worst case scenario, but not everyone thinks that way, I know. Hold on to whatever thoughts get YOU through the day, especially if you have to deal with a funeral this week. Again, so sorry.

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    1. Hi Karen, I know exactly what you mean. Death can be a gift to everyone involved. Although there will be a memorial service at the assisted living place where mom lived, we are leaving the real funeral til later on to give extended family time to get there. This will give us time for that fresh raw grief to abate. Good luck with your mom.

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  2. I sorry for this hard time these past weeks, Cheriee, for you and for your family's loss. Despite the sadness, it seems that you all had a time to be with your mother often. Thanks for the sharing of that time and the books that helped you say goodbye.

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    1. Thanks Linda, in spite of everything, I'm as content as a person can be at a time like this.

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  3. Cheriee - I am so sorry to hear, please know I'm sending peace and prayers.
    I have When I Was the Greatest tucked aside for this summer. All American Boys was a very powerful read because it brought you into the minds of those who are there.

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    1. I agree with you about All American Boys. I think it would make a fabulous read aloud. I think you will enjoy When I was the Greatest.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I'm glad you found books to help you deal with it. Come see my week here. Happy reading!

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    1. You are such an amazing reader Kathy. Isn't it wonderful that books are there when we need them.

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  5. I am very sorry about your mother, Cheriee. I am so glad that you were there and reading with her. My son just picked up All American Boys and seemed interested in it as a read-aloud, but I think it's a little too intense for him just yet. Maybe in another year or so. I am looking forward to sharing Jason Reynolds's books with him, though. I just requested It's Catching from the library--still trying to get my son to understand germs! Hoping this will help, LOL. Eventually I'm going to listen to the last Tiffany Aching on audio--I have loved the others in that format. Thinking of you this week!

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    1. Thanks Elisabeth. I think The Boy in Black would be a good Jason Reynolds book to start with. It is just so very sweet! Stephen Briggs narration of the Tiffany Aching books is just so spot on! I hope you and your guy enjoy It's Catching.

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  6. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. We loved reading how your mom responded to poetry. It must of meant so much to her to have you by her side. Please know we are sending thoughts your way.

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    1. Thank you - I'm pretty sure I got my reading addiction from my mom - and maybe even my love of poetry.

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  7. I am very sorry to read about your loss. Like you, I also derive comfort from poetry that is almost like a prayer to me. Thank you for sharing this with us and how words and stories found you at the perfect time.

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    1. You have said it perfectly Myra. There is something sacred in the right poetry at the right time.

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  8. I was saddened to read about the passing of your mother. I know that you're going through so much, but I'm glad that you have family and the shared love of poetry to give you comfort and strength. I also appreciate your sharing of those books that had so much meaning for you during this time. I definitely going look for these books. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words Jana. I have to recommend Final Gifts for everyone facing this kind of challenge. It transformed how I looked at death and dying.

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, but I'm so glad she was able to pass away in peace and surrounded by loved ones. When my grandfather died we all missed him terribly, but he had been so ill, it was a relief that he was finally at peace, and free from suffering. I'm glad you've been able to find comfort in reading. Take care.

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    1. It is kind of a mixed blessing isn't it? Books are almost always the best therapy for me!

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  10. I love this description of Jason Reynolds' characters:
    "an authentic combination of sweetness and bravado"

    So on point! I adore Jason and his books. He's one of those authors for me that no matter what book he publishes, I will read it, no questions asked.

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    1. Yes! If I had a daughter, I would want her to meet up and marry a man just like one of Reynold's characters.

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  11. I just started listening to All American Boys yesterday, and I love it! The Boy in the Black Suit is incredible, and I own When I Was the Greatest. I think it's time for a Jason Reynolds binge reading session!

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    1. Oh yes! I think The Boy in the Black Suit is my favourite, but they are all amazing titles.

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  12. The audio of All American Boys is just amazing. I really enjoyed The Wolf Wilder and gave it to one of my 5th graders who also loved it. Happy reading!

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    1. And oh my goodness - I'm so sorry about your mother!

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    2. I'm enjoying The Wolf Wilder too. I'll look forward to talking to my readers about it.

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  13. Cheriee, lots of love to you. So wonderful that you had words to be there with you as you were there with your Mom. You are in my thoughts. Let's connect soon.

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    1. Thanks Carrie - bibliotherapy is the best (and least expensive kind) I think. I'm also lucky to have a fabulous group of siblings and cousins. Yes, lets connect!

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  14. I am so glad that you have found poems and books that have been helpful in this very difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss and am glad you had time with your mother in the end. I wish you comfort and peace.

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    1. Thanks Crystal, I've been through this with my father and know that time and reflection will make it all right in the end.

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  15. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found solace in poetry.

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  16. Sending love and light to you and your family.

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