Poetry Friday June 29, 2018

Last weekend, my little sister, Zoe, became one of those numbers in the fentanyl overdose tally. From the very beginning her life was hard. She never really fit into what we might call normal. Eventually she was diagnosed with bipolar disease, but by then she was also a drug addict. She went through long periods of time when she didn't use hard drugs, but when her disease became unmanageable, she always slipped back into addiction. 

Taking Flight

I’m so angry
I’m so sad

your illness led you to
take stupid risks
make stupid decisions
as a mom
you did the best you could
loving your babies with everything you had
but it wasn't enough
you left scars, invisible,
but nonetheless real
i saw the best of you
working side by side in the garden
and the day you charmed
my granddaughter to bits
i wish you could have seen yourself
through her eyes
i wish you could have loved yourself
with as much love as she and we all loved you

I’m so angry
I’m so sad

you wanted to soar
but couldn't fly
you had wings,
that didn't work
at least not in the way that the other birds
who teased, taunted, and bullied you did
you led a secret life
where demons held sway
so you bargained with the devils
to silence their chorus
and find a few moments of solace
in imaginary flight

Fly free now little sister,
Fly free

I’m so angry
I’m so sad

we always knew you would be first
only we thought you were getting better
more aware,
more in control
you tried hard to be the kind of person
you wanted to be
we wanted you to be
but pretending is hard
and honesty even harder
with lies and secret relief
appeasing, easing your
broken wings
broken heart
broken mind

Fly free now little sister,
Fly free