"Ines, a grief-stricken skateboarder beginning to explore her sexuality, leaves behind her sheltered hometown on a Greyhound bus bound for Montreal. In awe of the city’s vibrancy, and armed with a journal and a Discman, Ines sets out to find a new way, befriending April, a latex-loving goth who gets her a job as a cam-girl. In the midst of a bar fight Ines meets Max, a magnetic skateboarder, whom she quickly falls for. As summer fades to fall Ines tries to uphold the bliss of their intoxicating summer, realizing that while she has escaped the confines of her small-town life, she cannot escape her past. The city changes and their romance darkens as Ines learns that Max is experiencing mental health challenges, all while a regular at the cam studio gets threateningly close. Ines learns that loving herself first requires trial and error―and that love is not always an innocent word."
It's no wonder that Amy Mattes' first novel has been nominated for the
Giller Prize.
It is an exquisite read. Her lyrical prose is raw with emotion. At times I was overwhelmed by the heaviness of guilt and grief that permeates her words. It triggered memories of losses in my own life. I wept for Ines and myself. I ended up having to take a break from reading. When I returned, I finished the book in one sitting.
Ines' younger sister drowned when she was a preteen. Even though she's not responsible, she's taken on guilt for her death. Reflecting on her parent's grief, she says, "I took the shrapnel from their wounds and made it my own." In an attempt to escape her past, Ines leaves her small town in BC to travel across the country to Montreal and reinvent herself.
In Montreal she befriends a number of fascinating characters. There's April, a university student who pays for her education by doing camera sex work. She connects with Felix and Maria, two skateboarders who take her under their wing. Her meeting with Max, a skateboarding videographer, has an ethereal, almost mystical quality. Ines thinks she has finally found someone who can love her. While Max does love her to the best of his ability, when his mental health deteriorates, his behaviour becomes abusive.
Ines is offered a job working alongside April as a cam girl, but she's terrified someone back home will recognize her and can't handle it. She ends up quitting and getting a job in a kitchen in a French restaurant. As Max's mental health deteriorates, and Ines' drug use increases to the verge of addiction, she ends up losing that job. By the time she returns to working as a cam girl, she's stronger and has a goal in mind for her future.
Even if you've never visited Montreal, Amy Mattes descriptions of the city will make you feel like you are there, both physically and visually. "The city was swelling with a desire to freeze, purging the clouds of light and holding in."
